4.27.2016
#mondayinspiration
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
-Frieda Norris
4.17.2016
Emergency Housecleaning for the Modern Slob
I am a slob. It's in my DNA, and that's the story I'm sticking with. In the daily pursuit of coffee and keys and making a homemade pizza and babysitting my youngest siblings, I leave a trail of laundry and makeup and books and dishes and general chaos in my wake. I do go on cleaning sprees once or twice a month, generally after watching an episode of Hoarders and being awakened to a sudden urge to scrub my skin with bleach, but my friends are awesome and random and it has been quite often that I did not know they were coming over until it was far too late to properly prepare. Hence, I have evolved some new survival techniques. These are they:
(Oh, and if you have less than fifteen minutes, just skip to step seven. )
This step is more important than cleaning. Forget the vacuum, just pick up all the loose pencils and put them back in the pencil jar, and put all your laundry back in the basket. Nobody's going to notice your carpet unless they trip over your clutter and fall face first on it. If you don't have time to put things where they belong, find an empty box or drawer or cabinet and just put everything inside. I've been known to sweep the clutter off my desk directly into the top drawer. It works. I even know of one person who puts her dirty dishes/laundry in the bathtub in emergency situations and closes the shower curtain. I've never done it, but amen, sister.
2. Accessorize
Yes, this is more important than cleaning. Even if things aren't dusted and vacuumed and even if the throw pillow had coffee spilled on it this morning, nobody's going to care because it will look like a veritable still life painting. Stack a pile of books on the end table and put the x-box remote on top, fold a blanket from the bed over the back of the sofa. Bring a bunch of apples from the kitchen and put them in a bowl on the coffee table; you get the general idea here.
3. Let There Be Light!
If you have the curtains/blinds closed, open them. It doesn't matter if the windows are dirty, the light makes all the difference. If you have lamps, turn them on, it's so much cozier than plain overhead lighting. Likewise, if you have candles, light them. I like to keep some string lights on hand to drape around the bookshelves in the event of a surprise dinner party. It just adds some zazziness. Also, I don't know why, but dust disappears when you have twinkle lights on.
4. Trash
If you're like me, you probably have at least one empty box on your counter that once held snack packets of peanuts. Throw it away. Run through every room in the house and just throw away all the trash, and then empty the trash cans. Nothing says 'my house sucks' like overstuffed trashcans.
5. Kitchen
The party always moves to the kitchen. It's the way it is, I don't make the rules. Declutter here, if you haven't already. Stuff things into cabinets and wipe down all the counter tops. Squirt a bunch of cleaner on all the gunk stuck on your stove while you wash/hide the dirty dishes. If you have a dishwashing machine, you can count yourself blessed of the powers that be.
6. Smells
Your nose might not recognize it but your house probably smells like you've been living in it. If it's warm enough outside, open the windows and get a breeze moving. It will take everything from stale to fresh in 2.0 minutes. Other things you can do: Start a pot of coffee, light some yummy smelling candles, stick something super quick in the oven to bake, or (this one is my most top secret awesome one) you can put about a teaspoon of plain vanilla flavoring in a ramekin in the oven and turn it on 350 F and when your guests walk in they will think they have been beamed up into Martha Stewart's personal spaceship.
7. You!
If you have time, yeah, vacuum. Or mop. Or turn on some music. From here on it's all extras, but take a few minutes to make sure you are feeling good. It could be as simple as grabbing some mascara or putting on an Elvis t-shirt, but be sure to take a moment to look in the mirror and see how awesome you are because a confident host will make the guests feel at home regardless of the environment.
Aaand, the doorbell's ringing, so time's up! May the luck of the Irish be with you. :)
4.16.2016
4.15.2016
A Day In The Life
4:30 a.m. Can't sleep. Check time on phone. Get into a long chat with sister in Philippines.
5:00 a.m. Sister has to leave for dinner. Try to sleep.
5:30 a.m. Give up. Get up for a drink, turn on lights, get dressed, sit down at desk and try to study.
6:30 a.m. Make an egg sandwich with basil. Water plants. Brush teeth. Brush hair.
700 a.m. Go to bathroom, collect purse and shoes. Check calendar on phone. Find keys. Make bed.
7:30 a.m. Leave early for work to drive around and listen to music.
7:45 a.m. Stop at Fast Freddy's for coffee.
8:00 a.m. Clock in at work. Get pies in the oven, wash dishes, say good morning to coworkers.
8:40 a.m. Get stuck in sales room serving customers, almost burn cookies.
8:45 a.m. Cookies are fine.
9:00 a.m. Get an enormous order for meat and cheese trays, start slicing ingredients.
9:10 a.m. Large group of slaphappy tourists comes in to ask for every. single. cheese. sample.
9:30 a.m. Get cursed at by irate customer convinced there is no fruit in our pies.
9:32 a.m. Become shook up and needlessly apologetic.
10:00 a.m. Customer is still cursing. Send customer home with a free pie.
10:30 a.m. Get reprimanded by boss for giving away a free pie.
11:00 a.m. Secretly pay for pie. Cry briefly in bathroom over the entire situation. Reapply mascara.
11:30 a.m. Wash more dishes, strike up conversation with coworker, tell a joke and laugh.
12:00 p.m. Warm up soup, sit down for lunch break.
12:10 p.m. Large group of customers comes in. Back to the sales room.
1:00 p.m. Quickly eat cold soup, write out check for a delivery man.
1:05 p.m. Give check to delivery man, chat about his grandkids and the weather.
2:00 p.m. Make cupcakes. Wash dishes.
2:30 p.m. Dip caramels in chocolate.
3:00 p.m. Talk on phone with sales rep who has a heavy Indian accent. Talk about biryani.
3:15 p.m. Decorate sugar cookies.
3:30 p.m. Serve a regular customer, her husband is out of the ICU. Hug and cry/laugh again.
4:00 p.m. Package items for mall the next day.
4:30 p.m. Serve a customer driving truck from Oklahoma. Have a nice conversation while slicing cheese.
4:45 p.m. Wash the last of the dishes, clean cheese slicer, sweep floor, take out trash.
5:00 p.m. Say goodbye to boss/coworkers, clock out, find my paycheck in the mail slot. Head for home.
5:20 p.m. Pull in drive, stop to get mail. Stop at parents house to fold towels and talk with siblings.
6:00 p.m. Eat chicken and sweet potatoes. Make refrigerator pickles. Do more dishes. Hug both parents.
6:30 p.m. Go home, change into jeans and hoodie. Put the pot on for tea. Sit down at desk to study.
7:00 p.m. Get distracted by Pinterest. Drink three cups of green tea.
7:30 p.m. Text with a friend. Check calendar for next day, plug in phone.
8:00 p.m. Study again. Break out the highlighters to take notes.
8:30 p.m. Convince myself I will never pass college and am a failure.
8:40 p.m. Get an encouraging e-mail from a friend.
8:50 p.m. Convince myself I'm gonna be ok. Brush my teeth. Turn on music.
9:30 p.m. Put away clean laundry. Read three chapters of "Gone With The Wind."
10:00 p.m. Internally scream at Scarlett O'Hara. Set alarm clock for the next morning. Type up two e-mails.
10:45 p.m. Read five chapters out of Genesis. Write notes in Bible journal.
11:00 p.m. Procrastinate on going to bed, doodle a bunch of cactus plants in back of Bible journal.
11:30 p.m. Turn off lights and music, turn on furnace. Change into pajamas. Go to bed. Stare at ceiling.
11:45 p.m. Put on headphones, listen to music.
12:30 a.m. Fall asleep.
5:00 a.m. Sister has to leave for dinner. Try to sleep.
5:30 a.m. Give up. Get up for a drink, turn on lights, get dressed, sit down at desk and try to study.
6:30 a.m. Make an egg sandwich with basil. Water plants. Brush teeth. Brush hair.
700 a.m. Go to bathroom, collect purse and shoes. Check calendar on phone. Find keys. Make bed.
7:30 a.m. Leave early for work to drive around and listen to music.
7:45 a.m. Stop at Fast Freddy's for coffee.
8:00 a.m. Clock in at work. Get pies in the oven, wash dishes, say good morning to coworkers.
8:40 a.m. Get stuck in sales room serving customers, almost burn cookies.
8:45 a.m. Cookies are fine.
9:00 a.m. Get an enormous order for meat and cheese trays, start slicing ingredients.
9:10 a.m. Large group of slaphappy tourists comes in to ask for every. single. cheese. sample.
9:30 a.m. Get cursed at by irate customer convinced there is no fruit in our pies.
9:32 a.m. Become shook up and needlessly apologetic.
10:00 a.m. Customer is still cursing. Send customer home with a free pie.
10:30 a.m. Get reprimanded by boss for giving away a free pie.
11:00 a.m. Secretly pay for pie. Cry briefly in bathroom over the entire situation. Reapply mascara.
11:30 a.m. Wash more dishes, strike up conversation with coworker, tell a joke and laugh.
12:00 p.m. Warm up soup, sit down for lunch break.
12:10 p.m. Large group of customers comes in. Back to the sales room.
1:00 p.m. Quickly eat cold soup, write out check for a delivery man.
1:05 p.m. Give check to delivery man, chat about his grandkids and the weather.
2:00 p.m. Make cupcakes. Wash dishes.
2:30 p.m. Dip caramels in chocolate.
3:00 p.m. Talk on phone with sales rep who has a heavy Indian accent. Talk about biryani.
3:15 p.m. Decorate sugar cookies.
3:30 p.m. Serve a regular customer, her husband is out of the ICU. Hug and cry/laugh again.
4:00 p.m. Package items for mall the next day.
4:30 p.m. Serve a customer driving truck from Oklahoma. Have a nice conversation while slicing cheese.
4:45 p.m. Wash the last of the dishes, clean cheese slicer, sweep floor, take out trash.
5:00 p.m. Say goodbye to boss/coworkers, clock out, find my paycheck in the mail slot. Head for home.
5:20 p.m. Pull in drive, stop to get mail. Stop at parents house to fold towels and talk with siblings.
6:00 p.m. Eat chicken and sweet potatoes. Make refrigerator pickles. Do more dishes. Hug both parents.
6:30 p.m. Go home, change into jeans and hoodie. Put the pot on for tea. Sit down at desk to study.
7:00 p.m. Get distracted by Pinterest. Drink three cups of green tea.
7:30 p.m. Text with a friend. Check calendar for next day, plug in phone.
8:00 p.m. Study again. Break out the highlighters to take notes.
8:30 p.m. Convince myself I will never pass college and am a failure.
8:40 p.m. Get an encouraging e-mail from a friend.
8:50 p.m. Convince myself I'm gonna be ok. Brush my teeth. Turn on music.
9:30 p.m. Put away clean laundry. Read three chapters of "Gone With The Wind."
10:00 p.m. Internally scream at Scarlett O'Hara. Set alarm clock for the next morning. Type up two e-mails.
10:45 p.m. Read five chapters out of Genesis. Write notes in Bible journal.
11:00 p.m. Procrastinate on going to bed, doodle a bunch of cactus plants in back of Bible journal.
11:30 p.m. Turn off lights and music, turn on furnace. Change into pajamas. Go to bed. Stare at ceiling.
11:45 p.m. Put on headphones, listen to music.
12:30 a.m. Fall asleep.
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